by Nick Gisburne
A trove of orange treasure, pure and priceless
Hot sunshine keeps each fruity farmer paid
No taste can supersede such flawless flavour
The tempting tang of farmer marmalade
A bear who left Peru became so famous
We still forget that every llama stayed
Their secret of success is sweet and simple
A luscious lunch of llama marmalade
When Henry fought at Agincourt for freedom
His knights all kneeled and in their armour prayed
The French, defeated, cursed his lethal longbows
And mighty English armour marmalade
An ancient undertaker’s young assistant
Enjoyed the much maligned embalmer trade
He phased out foul formaldehyde forever
Preferring now embalmer marmalade
In India when Vishnu joined with Shiva
They travelled to the temple Brahma made
And pushed between the pages of the Vedas
The recipe for Brahma marmalade
If laundering your linens leads to losses
If patterns on your pink pyjamas fade
If soaks in soap seem such a stale solution
Try scrubbing with pyjama marmalade
The Japanese discovered something special
A coffin, carved from Yokohama jade
Inside were not the relics of a ruler
But chunks of Yokohama marmalade
When Wyatt Earp played poker down in Tombstone
He shot a man who tried to palm a spade
The bullet bounced and missed its tricky target
Deflected by the palmer’s marmalade
A serpent slowly slithered from a basket
While swaying to the chant the charmer played
The secret of this mesmerising snake show
A belly full of charmer marmalade
When Shakespeare scripted scenes with strong emotion
If critics panned the way the drama played
The Bard would add a sticky stage direction
To ‘Exit holding drama marmalade’
Your tongue should never tangle with temptation
Be mindful not to throw your karma shade
Some orange imitations may be cheaper
But one day you’ll find karma gives you jam
