Castles of Cardboard was one of the more challenging poems I've written, not because of a lack of ideas, but because of the themes it covers. I found myself so emotionally attached to the character in the story that, knowing how it would all end, it was a struggle not to cry at times. And at times I just gave in and did it. I was certainly hoping that some of that emotion would translate into the words of the poem, and I'm optimistic that that's what happened.
The reading/recording was extremely straightforward, which for me is a sign that I've done everything right - as I'll probably explain in later blog posts, sometimes I find the process of recording and editing a total nightmare. Not so with this one.
My inspiration for this was quite a well-known story, though if you haven't listened to this already, revealing that would be a huge spoiler, so I won't mention it here. Certainly towards the end it should become apparent.
Castles of Cardboard
by Nick Gisburne
Her face isn’t one you would notice
And you’d pass with no more than a glance
But she’s looking at you
For a hint, just a clue
That perhaps she has half of a chance
And you’re stopped by those eyes
Filled with sorrow and sighs
“Please, I know what I say will seem strange
I need help - can you spare me some change?”
So how many times have you said it?
“Not today” or “I can’t” or just “No”
You can bet she’s heard worse
Every possible curse
That the many she asks can bestow
But she tries all the same
Because this is no game
If she doesn’t there’s nothing to eat
So she begs in the snow-covered street
You give her a pittance. Feel better?
Do you think that’s the help she most needs?
And to you what’s the cost
Of the coins you just tossed?
You’re so filled with the warmth of good deeds
She’s forgotten and gone
And your life carries on
When you gave her that miserly sum
Did you notice? Her fingers were numb
At sunset the shops are all closing
Busy customers rush to their homes
If they notice her there
They avoid her, aware
These cold streets are the places she roams
Doesn’t one of them know
She has nowhere to go?
But at least she is free now, cut loose
From the past, from the years of abuse
In fairytales step-mothers beat you
But then step-fathers, they can do worse
And the princess of course
On her magical horse
Unaware of this menace, this curse
Soon discovers the cost
Is her innocence, lost
And the monster, the source of her fears
Brings her tales full of sadness and tears
She couldn’t tell, nobody, ever
But her Grandma knew something was wrong
She was told of a place
Where a princess could face
Any evil with courage made strong
And she learned how to build
Magic castles and thrilled
To explore and to venture inside
In a place she felt safe and could hide
And building tall castles of cardboard
With their walls rising strong to the sky
In old boxes she hid
And their magic undid
All the hurt, and her eyes, almost dry
Could see wonderful things
Giant creatures with wings
She could soar through the clouds, to the sea
And in castles of cardboard be free
The castles were never defeated
But her Grandma surrendered at last
And the words that she spoke
As the young girl’s heart broke
Were remembered long after she’d passed
“Always live for your dreams
And whenever it seems
You are lost, think of me.” And she smiled.
“Now’s the time for us both to leave, child.”
With nowhere to raise up her castles
The girl formed a desperate plan
Her life here was done
She decided to run
To escape from the monster, the man
To the city she stole
And her singular goal
Was to find a safe place of her own
And to build a new castle, alone
But cities aren’t safe for a princess
For they harbour a dangerous breed
In the light of the day
She was no easy prey
But the night comes with terrible speed
Filthy strangers would hurl
Foul abuse at the girl
Till in some ruined alley or street
She’d pile boxes and make her retreat
Today came the snow, and her castles
Are all broken and twisted and torn
Fallen cardboard her bed
She now rests her young head
On their ruins and tries to stay warm
But the bitter winds bite
Through the long winter night
And she finds no defence from the cold
As its long, icy fingers take hold
And what of the money you gave her?
What cuisine was it lavished upon?
Do you think it went far?
One small piece of a bar
Of a chocolate something, now gone
She lies hungry and weak
And is longing to speak
To the woman who’ll calm her despair
To the woman she knows is not there
She paces around like a tiger
So determined to conquer the chill
But this tiger is sick
Cold and hunger so quick
To extinguish her strength, yet she still
Thinks of Grandmother’s face
And is granted the grace
Of sweet moments of sleep, which she takes
But the wind soon returns and she wakes
She pulls something out of her pocket
An old lighter she’d found in the street
And she pleads for a flame
As she whispers the name
“Grandma, please warm my fingers and feet”
From the wheel spins a spark
Leaping out of the dark
And a flicker of light in the breeze
As she sinks to the ground, to her knees
The pale amber halo glows brightly
And she stares at its magical light
Twisting shapes that she sees
From her memory, trees
Rising up to imperious height
Grandma sits on a stump
And to see the girl jump
You’d imagine she might even fly
But the sun disappears from the sky
Her shivering fingers have faltered
Without colour or feeling they fail
But those faces she’d seen
And the trees - they had been
Just a glimmer, one part of the tale
So she has to see more
And she searches the floor
To find something to kindle the flame
Digging deep in the filth without shame
But water and snow have spared nothing
Just a precious few boxes survive
But she needs them tonight
For inside them she might
Keep her fragile young body alive
But perhaps she won’t miss
Only one, and if this
Is the price for a glimpse of her dreams
She will pay, and pay gladly it seems
She tears her old castle to pieces
And the pitiful piles on the floor
Are two chances to burn
To let Grandma return
But she cannot and dare not spare more
Small but certain, her smile
Fills with hope; the first pile
Takes the flame and swells up to a blaze
And its shapes reveal glorious days
The beach is their pebble-strewn playground
Skipping stones out for miles ’cross the waves
Fair and young, grey and old
Their adventures are bold
As they splash in the pools, in the caves
A warm hand holds her tight
As the day turns to night
And a crimson sun sets on the sea
And the flames fade to ash and debris
These visions, so vivid and vibrant
Fill the girl with great joy, but such pain
For the bitter-sweet sight
Of her loved one this night
Brings a yearning to hold her again
It can never be so
And the lighter is low
It can bring only one final dream
As she summons the flame her eyes gleam
It catches a corner and flickers
But then sputters and hisses and dies
For the cardboard was wet
A reality yet
To betray itself deep in her eyes
She says nothing, quite numb
But is soon overcome
With a sickening ache of despair
“Grandma, please! Won’t you show me you’re there?”
A swirling chill rushes around her
Chasing ashes high into the air
And one ember descends
Still aglow, it extends
Its ephemeral life to her care
And her whispering breath
Saves its fire from death
And she nurtures this gift from above
Just as someone had once shown her love
It grows, and burns ever more surely
As she finds the dry tinder she needs
So intent is her gaze
She forgets now to raise
Up her eyes to the scene her flame feeds
Till a murmur, a word
In the shadows is heard
And an old woman whispers her name
As if drawn to the flickering flame
A voice, then a face, though still distant
But this shade is no ghost of the past
Through the smoke, through her eyes
Through the kneeling girl’s cries
Her Grandmother returns now at last
And the old woman’s smile
Now approaches, for while
The flames grow she will shelter the girl
But the smoke starts to thicken and curl
The last of her castle of cardboard
Burns low with a guttering light
And its princess now screams
As her Grandma it seems
Will return to the shadows of night
In her grief and despair
She looks wildly to where
The dry boxes, the last of their kind
Pull a bare thread of hope from her mind
She drags them with reckless abandon
And she builds up the fire once more
Till it burns with such heat
That her heart is complete
And she dances and circles the floor
For her Grandma is there
Tying bows in her hair
And her tears are of joy as she weeps
Till in Grandmother’s arms, she now sleeps
They found her in cinders and ashes
Near a circle of steps in the snow
Yet the chill could not chase
The warm smile from her face
And what wonders she saw none could know
Far from hunger or cold
Though she never grew old
Never cared for a child of her own
Still her journey was not made alone
She burned all her castles of cardboard
And their walls blazed far up to the sky
The old boxes are gone
But their magic lives on
And her beautiful eyes never cry
They see wonderful things
Giant creatures with wings
And she soars through the clouds, to the sea
And in castles of light she is free
The full text of Castles of Cardboard can also be found on my DeviantArt page.
