by Nick Gisburne
I’m Arthur. This is Alice. Have a seat.
The two of us will serve your needs tonight.
Before we start, we don’t do dirty feet,
Or anything too slippery, or tight.
Be careful near the parrot, and the cat.
You’ll lose an eye or finger in a flash.
No wool. We used to have a lot of that.
It itches, and she always gets a rash.
My brother, Bill, the bouncer at the door,
Won’t hesitate to smack you in the teeth.
We’ve had a bit of trouble here before.
The pirate in the purple wig, that’s Keith.
That’s all of it I reckon. Them’s the rules.
While Alice ties you up I’ll get my tools.
