by Nick Gisburne
I wish I were a bigger, bolder bat,
But pine was all the coffin I could buy.
Without a cape and cane, without a hat,
What vampire clan, with me, would share the sky?
A lower class of virgin feeds my lust,
The gnarly nightmares no one else will touch.
My inner sanctum? Cobwebs, dirt and dust.
No servants. Even cleaners cost too much.
I had a mindless slave, but even he
Decided I would never make the grade.
He left to start a media degree.
I wish him well, but still I feel betrayed.
I thirst for blood, of course, but let’s be frank,
I’d rather have a disappointing wank.
