Saturday 23 March 2019

Ben the Van Man

by Nick Gisburne

To the tune of ‘Enter Sandman’ by Metallica

Always swears at someone
But he loves his son
Never rude to his mum
He spills his gin down his chin
Pees into a bin
Hopes his van will still run
When the pub’s not open
Watch for his van, it’s white

Runs red lights
Turns hard right
Shakes his hand
Ben the wanker in his van

Never long, when he’s tight
Starts another fight
Drinks all day and all night
Smashing cars, slashing tyres
Starting major fires
He’s as high as a kite
Someone’s nose gets broken
Ben’s in his van, turns right

Ben hates bikes
Swerves to strike
Jailed and banned
Ben the wanker in his van

Ben is racing down the street
Finds a victim he can beat
Drives so fast the engine shakes
The van’s a Ford with dodgy brakes

Rushed, Ben is maybe late for his work
Already banned, he’s such a jerk
He puts his foot down, lights on red
Doesn’t make it, winds up dead

Never bright
Lost this fight
No more van

Mum’s boy died
Ben’s boy cried
He’s their man
Broken, bloody in his van