Thursday 6 December 2012

We Wish You Would Bury Christmas

We Wish You Would Bury Christmas
by Nick Gisburne

Yes it’s here again, believe it, there is nothing you can do
It’s been creeping up on all of us and now it’s coming true
Can’t ignore it, can’t escape it, you are trapped within a maze
Hearing Christmas music everywhere for ninety fucking days

Christmas Day? Christmas fanny! I am having none of that
I would rather chop my fingers off or violate the cat
If you want to know the reason for the season, this is it:
It’s a waste of money, Christmas time is shit

All the shops are filled with snowmen, there is tinsel by the mile
And on every cheery Christmas face a stupid fucking smile
I don’t understand the message that you want to get across
Balls to Christmas, I am bored of it, I couldn’t give a toss

Merry what? Merry bollocks! Stick the tree right up your arse
I am sick and tired of Christmas, it’s a scam and it’s a farce
If you want to know the reason for the season, here’s a clue:
Eat and drink and drink and eat and drink and screw

So the family is gathered for the first time in a year
And you wish they’d all been trampled by a herd of Santa’s deer
But the little ones are hoping they’ll see Rudolph in the sky
Can’t they choke on turkey sandwiches or fuck off home and die?

Santa who? Santa shit-head! You’re not on his fucking list
He’s your uncle in a costume and he’ll grope you when he’s pissed
If you want to know the reason for the season, check his breath
That’s not cranberries, it’s crystal fucking meth

And there’s always the religious one who wants to say a prayer
But she thinks again with boiling gravy poured onto her hair
It’s not bad enough that Easter gets the god squad in a flap
No, they have to ruin Christmas with their superstitious crap

Jesus who? Jesus wank stain! Who the bloody hell are you?
You were born inside a stable, eh? Well whoopty fucking do
If you tell me you’re the reason for the season, yeah, so what?
You were crucified? Well I’d have had you shot

Where’s my Christmas spirit? In a bottle, in my fucking hand
I’d be happier if Christmas time was burned alive or banned
It’s been sent to torture all of us, a never-ending grind
And it’s all because some pervy God took Mary from behind

Jingle what? Jingle bell end! I’ve had quite enough of this
Every happy smiling face I see sends shivers down my piss
If you want to know the reason for the season, read the book
Merry Christmas? I don’t give a flying fuck