Mary Had A Second Head

Mary Had A Second Head
by Nick Gisburne

Mary had a Second Head, a blessing you’d suppose
But everywhere that Mary went she punched its little nose
Second Head grew sick of this and bit her on the face
And so to war heads One and Two did furiously race

Mary gave a mighty slap to Two’s defenceless cheek
And playing dirty even tried to blind the little freak
Two took over Mary’s hand and poked her in the eye
The fingers dipped in lemon juice, they made poor Mary cry

Escalating violence saw Mary’s hair pulled out
Which as she’d grown it long for years she wasn’t pleased about
Mary picked the iron up to burn Two’s stupid face
And, aiming for the eyebrows, seared them off without a trace

Brandishing spaghetti tongs, she jammed them in one ear
But Second Head whacked Mary with a bottle from the rear
Weapons of increasing force were chosen by each side
“No mercy!” was the cry they gave, across the short divide

Mary made the first mistake and dropped her face’s guard
And Second Head, armed with a bat, came in low, fast and hard
But Mary had a little plan, increased her height, and so
The swinging, speeding baseball bat had nowhere else to go

It hit the other head full on and cracked its little skull
But Second Head had one more sneaky trick that it could pull
Picking up a kitchen knife, it cut her scrawny neck
And Mary, drenched with crimson blood, fell hard and hit the deck

“That’ll teach you!” came the Second Head’s triumphant yell
Then realised the shared supply of blood was hers as well
“Perhaps we should have compromised. More talking was required.”
And Mary’s Second Head lay down beside her and expired